Dialectical Behavior Therapy 101: A Quick Guide to Emotional Regulation
What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)?
DBT is a theory developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan that aims to teach people emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal skills. One of the main facets of DBT is that two opposing concepts can be true at the same time. This is especially important for individuals who struggle with anxiety that often forces them into “black and white” thinking. An example of this would be getting into a fight with a friend, coworker, or partner and immediately starting to spiral about how the relationship is over. With DBT skills, this all or nothing thinking would be challenged to allow two concepts to exist simultaneously. A fight with someone you care about would be painful AND it wouldn’t mean the end of the relationship. All or nothing anxiety can often lead us to act in ways that reinforce our fears, if we believe the relationship is ending, we might pull back or stop communicating, which could ultimately lead to the end of the relationship. DBT allows us to be open to the idea that a painful fight can also mean growth of a relationship, even when anxiety might tell us something different. With emotional regulation and distress tolerance skills, DBT helps to calm anxiety enough to be able to think in a “Wise Mind” or a mind balanced with both logic and emotion.
DBT Emotional Regulation Skills
While DBT has many emotional regulation skills, this article will focus on three easy to retrieve skills: Opposite Action, STOP, and positive self-talk. The goal of all three of these skills is to give a person more control over their body and emotions. Practice is important with any type of skill, and the same is true for emotional regulation skills. The more time spent practicing these skills, especially in times of emotional regulation (when your body is calm and not tense, mind isn't racing, and you’re able to think of multiple outcomes to a situation are good indicators of emotional regulation).
Opposite Action
Opposite Action is a tool that is helpful in situations where your brain is trying to protect you by shielding you from more pain in a maladaptive way. This skill can be most useful in relational situations, but it can be helpful in any highly emotional situation. Opposite Action requires one to act in the opposite of their maladaptive protective behaviors and instead act in a way that aligns with the goal of their emotion. For example, if you get into a fight with a loved one, you might feel unloved, unappreciated, or de-prioritized, which might cause you to lash out, retreat into yourself and stop communicating, or invalidate your emotions in order to stop the conflict. Opposite Action invites us to think about the goal of our emotion instead of how to protect ourselves in the short term. If you are feeling unloved or disconnected from a loved one after a fight, the goal of your emotion is to feel loved and connected. In order to make this happen, we have to act in the opposite of our protective instincts that tell us to hide or cause harm. Communicating your feelings effectively, asking for a hug, or planning time together are all examples of acting in the opposite of your protective behaviors. Opposite Action can also be used when you’re feeling intense and uncomfortable emotion in general. If you had a horrible day at work and are feeling sad, run down, and discouraged, you might want to curl up in a ball and do nothing. While that might help in the short term, it won’t help you move through the emotion. Opposite Action helps by challenging you to make yourself bigger, move your body, and express gratitude. Even if you feel like you’re faking it at first, eventually your body will start to respond and your behavior will become more authentic. The more you practice the opposite action, the more the new emotion will stick. It is important to note that Opposite Action is never meant to invalidate your feelings or force yourself to do something triggering.
STOP
STOP is an acronym skill that stands for: Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully. The first step, Stop, requires you to freeze your body to prevent any harmful reactions that don’t align with your true feelings. When your emotions are in the driver’s seat, refraining from putting gas in the car (or acting on the emotion) can help you maintain more control. Take a step back asks you to gain perspective on the situation and look at it with a broader mindset. This step can help you take time to breathe, relax your body and mind, and think about what to do with your Wise Mind. Observe tells you to observe the facts of the situation. Listen to what other people in the situation are saying, what your brain is saying, and what options you have to proceed forward with. It is important to remember that facts are things we know to be true, not things our brain tells us could be true. Lastly, Proceed mindfully allows you to take the previous steps and put them into action. This is where you ask yourself what your goals are and which reaction can help you meet those goals. Evaluate your true feelings and what those feelings are telling you you need. STOP is an easy acronym to remember and a good way to guide yourself through regulation in tough situations.
Positive Self-Talk
Positive Self-Talk is an underrated skill that is foundational to every other emotional regulation skill. One of the most important parts of being able to regulate is trusting your ability to handle certain situations. This does not mean invalidating your emotions or minimizing what you’re going through, but it does mean trusting your ability to feel and let emotions move through you. We often have protective thoughts or “ANTs” in DBT language that warn us of potential danger or negative outcomes in a situation. These thoughts might be directed inwards and question your worth, your ability to handle things, and your relationships. Positive Self-talk can help expand your thoughts to think of other outcomes and recognize your strengths. This is another skill that can start out as a “fake-it-til-you-make-it” type of action. The more you practice, the more you’ll start to believe in your Positive Self-Talk. You might start by identifying one thing a week you accomplished (mentally, emotionally, or physically) and expand from there. It can also help to envision a younger version of yourself or a younger sibling and talk to yourself as if you were talking to them. Reflecting back on tough situations you’ve overcome, highlighting your strengths, and emphasizing your growth are all good ways to practice your Positive Self-Talk.
Each of these skills can be practiced anywhere, most times. It’s a good idea to start to practice these skills when you’re regulated to make it easier to retrieve them when you’re dysregulated.
Resources
To learn more about DBT or get more information about any of these skills, you can visit https://dbt.tools/emotional_regulation/self-talk.php.
All material provided on this website is for informational purposes only. Direct consultation of a qualified provider should be sought for any specific questions or problems. Use of this website in no way constitutes professional service or advice.
