The DBT Coping Toolkit: Simple Skills for Big Emotions
Difficult emotions are a normal part of being human. Anger, anxiety, sadness, shame, and overwhelm can become especially challenging when they feel intense or seem to take over our thoughts and behaviors. In those moments, it can be difficult to remember what we know intellectually: emotions are temporary, and we have choices about how we respond to them.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by psychologist Marsha Linehan, offers practical skills for managing intense emotions, tolerating distress, and responding more effectively during difficult moments. One helpful feature of DBT is the use of memorable acronyms. These provide a simple way to recall coping strategies when our ability to think clearly may be reduced by emotional intensity.
Here are several DBT skills that can be useful to practice and keep in your emotional coping toolkit.
STOP: Pause Before You React
When emotions are running high, the goal isn't necessarily to make the emotion disappear. Sometimes the first step is simply creating enough space to choose your next action.
S : Stop. Don't react immediately. Pause what you're doing.
T : Take a step back. Physically or mentally create some distance from the situation. Take a breath or step away if possible.
O : Observe. Notice what is happening inside and around you. What are you feeling? What thoughts are showing up? What is actually happening?
P : Proceed mindfully. Consider what response will be most effective rather than automatically acting on the emotion.
STOP can be particularly useful during arguments, moments of impulsivity, or situations where you feel emotionally flooded.
TIP: Change Your Body's Emotional Response
Sometimes intense emotions are accompanied by strong physical sensations—rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, sweating, or a feeling that you need to act immediately. TIP uses changes in the body to help reduce emotional arousal.
T : Temperature. A change in temperature, such as placing a cool pack on your face, can help activate the body's natural calming response.
I : Intense exercise. Brief, vigorous physical activity can help discharge some of the physiological energy associated with intense emotions.
P : Paced breathing. Slow your breathing, particularly by making your exhale longer than your inhale.
TIP is not about avoiding or suppressing emotions. Instead, it can help bring your level of physical arousal down enough to use other coping skills.
ACCEPTS: Distract When You Need a Break
Sometimes an emotion is simply too intense to process in the moment. ACCEPTS provides several categories of healthy distraction:
A : Activities: Engage in something that requires your attention.
C : Contributing: Do something helpful for another person.
C : Comparisons: Reflect on times you've handled something difficult before.
E : Emotions: Use an activity that evokes a different emotion, such as watching a funny show.
P : Pushing away: Temporarily set the problem aside when addressing it immediately isn't helpful.
T : Thoughts: Redirect your attention toward other thoughts or mental activities.
S : Sensations: Use safe physical sensations, such as taking a shower or listening to music.
Distraction isn't intended to permanently avoid a problem. It can provide temporary relief while you regain enough emotional balance to address the situation effectively.
IMPROVE: Make a Difficult Moment More Manageable
When you can't immediately change your circumstances, IMPROVE offers ways to alter your experience of the moment.
I : Imagery: Imagine a calming or safe place.
M : Meaning: Look for meaning or purpose in what you're experiencing.
P : Pause: Turn your focus outward or inward to something larger than yourself, a quiet moment of grounding, or deep personal values, to create a space before reacting.
R : Relaxation: Try progressive muscle relaxation, stretching, or calming breathing.
O : One thing at a time: Focus your attention on the present moment rather than everything that needs to happen next.
V : Vacation: Take a brief mental or physical break from the situation.
E : Encouragement: Offer yourself supportive statements such as, "I can get through this moment."
Building Your Personal Coping Toolkit
DBT skills work best when they are practiced before a crisis occurs. Consider identifying two or three strategies that feel realistic for you and practicing them regularly. You might save your favorite acronyms in your phone, write them on a card, or place them somewhere you'll see them when you're stressed.
Most importantly, coping skills aren't about judging yourself for having difficult emotions. The goal is to develop greater awareness and flexibility so that emotions can be experienced without automatically dictating your behavior.
If you find that intense emotions are frequently interfering with your relationships, work, daily functioning, or sense of safety, consider reaching out to a qualified mental health professional. DBT skills can be incorporated into therapy and adapted to fit your individual needs.
Learning to cope with difficult emotions is a process. You don't have to respond perfectly. Sometimes, the most meaningful first step is simply pausing long enough to give yourself another choice.
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