Body Image: Relationship Edition
Body image is a topic that frequently comes up in therapy spaces, especially for women or any person who has been exposed to socialization as a woman. Bus station ads, social media, influencers, comments from friends and family, and much more, all have the power to impact the way you are currently feeling about your body. As more people have started to recognize the impact of body image on overall mental health, there have been a variety of movements and shifts in language surrounding body image. Yet most of these changes reflect the individual experience and fail to include the relational impacts.
Imagine you’re getting ready for a big event: you feel like nothing fits you right and your least favorite body parts are being accentuated by every outfit you try on. Your partner comes in and you burst into tears - feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by your emotions about your body. Your partner might try to comfort you and tell you you look beautiful, handsome, stunning, hot, but it doesn’t change the way you feel. In fact, it might make you feel misunderstood or dismissed depending on how your partner responds. In fact, it might make you feel misunderstood or dismissed depending on how your partner responds. In these moments, you don’t need external reassurance, even though it can feel nice, because your narrative about your body image has already been solidified. While both external and internal factors can impact your body image, you need your partner to help you challenge these beliefs, not just reassure you on a surface level.
How to Challenge Negative Body Image Beliefs
Challenging negative body image beliefs starts with slowly unraveling the narrative that’s been created. This usually requires us to change our thoughts from negative to neutral before we attempt to change them to positive. Start to identify the parts of your body that trigger the most negative thoughts and work on creating neutral thoughts to replace them. An example of this could be:
Negative Thought: My arms are too wide/fat/skinny/etc.
Neutral Thought: My arms help me show affection to the people I love.
Once you have identified these negative and neutral thoughts, share them with your partner so they can also start to help you challenge these thoughts when they come up. The more you practice these neutral thoughts, the easier it will be for your brain to retrieve them!
Exercises to Try
Some relational body image exercises to try can include things that increase your positive or neutral thoughts around your body image. These exercises might feel challenging and bring up a lot of emotions, so it’s best to leave space afterwards to debrief and process your emotions.
Exercise 1: Try standing in front of a mirror in tight clothes or your underwear. Scan your body and notice when negative thoughts come up. Bring your partner in the room and have them stand behind you as you explain what parts of your body bring up negative thoughts. Your partner will then name the neutral facts about these body parts before transitioning into naming positive things about these body parts. Try to do this activity for at least 10 minutes.
Exercise 2: Notice how you and your partner talk about food. Try to reframe negative comments around certain foods into more neutral language. An example of a negative comment could be “take these away from me before I eat them all” or “we can’t buy XYZ because it has too much sugar” or “I ate way too much bread today I need to go for a walk.” While these comments are pretty common, they can perpetuate negative food beliefs tied to negative body image such as “if I eat too much of this, X will happen to my body” or “If I stay away from X foods, this will happen to my body”. You and your partner can work together to find new ways of talking about food that typically has less helpful nutrients.
Exercise 3: Normalize celebrating your body for things you usually ignore. This is so much easier when it is a shared activity or tradition between you and your partner - you can help each other celebrate your bodies for everyday activities. This can look like having a check in at the end of the day or at dinnertime where you and your partner both say three things you want to celebrate about your body for that day.
What’s Next?
Body image is a complex and deep rooted aspect of our lives, and it can take a lot of work to untangle the narratives we develop. DBT is one of the most helpful types of individual therapy for negative body image issues, but it is often treated in an individual way. Body image is relational by nature, because the reason we care so much about our bodies stems from a sense of wanting to belong, to be seen, and to be liked. When we start to look at body image from this relational lens, treatment can feel so much more effective! Therapeutic exercises are always best to do under the supervision and guidance of a trained therapist, as they can help you process your emotions and make sense of your specific narratives.
Resources
All material provided on this website is for informational purposes only. Direct consultationof a qualified provider should be sought for any specific questions or problems. Use of this website in no way constitutes professional service or advice.
